Ho ho ho

to everyone and anyone and no one.

MERRY XMAS MONSTERS.

Belfast - Dec - 2009

introducing my cat DINKY... yes.. she is Jacqueline Lee Bouvier Kennedy Onassis reincarnated.

oh and me drunk



yes.. the cat fucking loves the christmas balls. i dont get it. she thinks shes cher



rawr - me





have yourselves a merry little christmas

old times...

Myself and Leila... London 2009





she is pretty amazing... and we both are pretty drunk in this pic.

im developing about 13 rolls of 120 film i took in london since last year.. so ill upload as i go.

Dark rooms take longer than i recall.

pop

' i want to make and entrance and an exit.. the middle bit really means nothing to me, and its always a blur'
- Chris Sutton - Dec 2009

OHandguesswhat.com

www.christopher-sutton.com

is 60% complete... 

El Yom Oliqua/Alice 2007

really had no idea how long these things take, but its there and its growing and building and things are coming together. My webtechnicaldude person is working away on making me into a cyber list of events and dots and clicks and making it look like i have something to show for the past years.

its not exactly going to be the tate modern but it will hold Acting, Image and Moving image pieces i have created and its a home for all the new lil things to hatch and live.

for now - whisky - cig and sleep.

Never let you fall apart

Its cold winter nights like this im glad i have a bottle of vodka and music.

im a tramp im a tramp but i still give a damn

Its December, its busy at work... i decide to put on Dolly Parton real loud.. cos dolly is christmas. 

This isnt true.  But i am picking through old photos and trying to find fashion i love, and wishing i had a grand to spend on Westwood rings and a 40 quid to get my 120 film developed.

Asger Juel Larsen - i want his knitwear... and vivienne westwoods everything, and margiela's shoulder padded sweater and and.. and.. an income.

But hey its ok, im on a beer/VODKA budget and i have work to plan and sort.

Lights, Sound, The camera was moving but the focus was sharp..

I wont dance to the beat of the track

I wont walk away, but i wont look back.

I looked good but he said i was a mess.

when you are looking i fall apart.

thats why i do my dance in the dark.

Belfast Bison

Stills from the Belfast Run of BISON

5 shows in Belfast...

It almost seemed like a crime to not do more nights.. We where just getting into it.. and the audiences where giving us such good  feedback. It feels odd not to be on stage with the guys tonight..

I took refuge in going through some stills that i had taken during the run on Thursday.. i only put 4 up because i don't want to give any clues to the plot away. 

We seem to have Dublin confirmed and London.

I'm wondering where else we can include on our tour?

Brighton/ Manchester / Edinburgh / Bristol hmmm...

Preview-Opening-Closing

Belfast - 14th Nov 2009

Untold Fables - Bison Opening.

This has been a pretty amazing time. I had the privilege of being a part of a great team behind a strong show and i also was lucky enough to have my friend (although he seems to struggle to call me his friend ) have his solo exhibition in the same building. It was a moment to appreciate.

Tonight was our last show for the Belfast run, and so far our audiences have really been positive and enjoyed themselves. I feel lucky to experience this.

i will upload the performance pics soon.

but tonight... I'm falling asleep happy. 

I always knew that if you worked hard and stuck to your goals that your dreams could come true.

My Life on paper..

3 Days until Bison rehearsals and my life is all about paper and notes. If i thought about it ... i might stress out.

myscript 

To do lists... 

Now to get back to work... blogs are so good for procrastinating... dammit.

jaded

Halloween 2009

 

so i had a bald cap, white make up and my mums wedding dress.

what would you have done?

xmas really sucks this year..

yea but im cranky.. so ill dress up and wish you where there to appreciate it.. but ill be out with bears who think a checked shirt is revolutionary and ill just stir my vodka and look at the empty streets.. and think.. merry christmas

Current Work : BISON.

BISON - the play

me in poster 2009

So this is the show I'm working on at the moment, I'm performing as one of the lead actors.  We have our European Premier in Belfast, for a very short run before our London tour which is around Easter time.

all the details are to be confirmed.. but i just finished finalising the poster today so i wanted to put it up..

that is all.

Attitude trip

LONDON - sept 2009.

vauxhall 

with Dolly and a sausage

Last minute trip to London for a magazine thing, almost managed to fit in seeing nearly every person  I know and love in the city. 

i also managed to follow in Keira Knightly's footsteps and rave with nadia from big brother.. and indeed fall for my ex all over again.

Im sure the feature will be entertaining... for me anyway. 

Soon i shall start whoring my show.

for now i must sleep.

ps. if you wear ed hardy.. you should shoot yourself.

Hilden Mill

Hilden Mill - Lisburn 2009 

When i was a baby i used to visit my grandmothers house and play in the Hilden Mill playground.. in the shadow of this abandoned Mill... ( it was built in 1860 and was the worlds largest linen mill in the early 1900's) It sustained a small town full of workers.. my grandmother included. Today its been empty for over 50 years..

 20 years on from when i used to visit the playground as a child.. i went there and took photographs inside. It is such a magical building.

Announcement

Sunday 13Th September 2009

I am so over these neo-conservative gays who think it's necessary to distance themselves from the more extreme elements of gay culture.

Cancer Connect

Belfast - August 2009 - Cancer Connect Mannequins.

Since moving back to Belfast, I have been spending my time volunteering with 2 organisations.

The First is Cancer connect, a cancer charity that helps other charities too. I work in the shop that my friend Anne runs, she was in London this weekend so I've been keeping the shop going while she has been away. Today i painted and repaired the mannequins.. i think they look fun.

anyway.. I'm also working for Belfast Exposed, invigilating art exhibitions and in return i get to use their dark rooms, chemicals and photographic equipment.. this is amazing..

they have been fun ways to fill my days leading up to the rehearsals for my play BISON.

we start work on that in about 2 weeks..

I am sleepy now so no point in rambling. 

RANKINlive

Me by Rankin. London - Dazed and Confused studios - Old St. London.

Odd.. that i wanted this portrait to mark the era in my life... and it ended up doing it in a more poetic meaningful way that i could have intended. I was in the middle of the most painful relationship, and id just moved to London. bitter sweet, bitter endings.. or something to that effect..

this photograph taken by Rankin.. at about noon.... i had vodka for breakfast with Leila, and 2 Valium and we got a taxi to speed down Old Street in east London to Rankin's Studio, we laughed and felt fun.. we always did when my boyfriend was away. I always wanted those memories of London, and i got them. 

subsequently, after meeting me... i was asked to work with Rankin Directing several behind the scenes short films for him and to intern. Turns out i like getting paid more than doing cool jobs. Anyway... makes a nice story.

There is always tomorrow.

Odd that i think of him tonight, we finished many months ago. But i loved him, i moved to London for him. I wish id known he was such a vapid venomous person then.

you learn..

R.i.p. Chez

someone emailed something touching..

THIS IS THE EMAIL

Forgive me for randomly messaging you but I just wanted to say that your bed picture is raw, sad but beautiful and I dont mean that in a pervy way.

It has strangely envoked emotion from me - like I am viewing a picture that I have stumbled across within a coffee table book and thought "I wonder who he is, where he's from and what his life meant"

I don't know why I am thanking you for displaying it but 'Thank You' - lol

Have a nice weekend 

C

Time enough..

' I heard you say underneath your breath, some kind of prayer. 

I heard you say underneath your breath that you never want to feel this way about anybody else'

London July 16th.

you close your eyes, and hope that this is just imagination.

Today i left.

"I have another duty equally sacred...My duty to myself." -Nora Helmer, Act III

Last night, i spent a special evening with the man im in love with, and i got to spend a brief moment with Gillian Anderson her talent has always inspired me. Today im trying to find some inspiration to leave this city. To be gone from someone you love for 3 months is hard.

my thoughts and words are so upside down at this moment that i dont know what else to say. I have to close my case and travel and ignore that it hurts this much.

Leaving End London Chapter

I was walking home on the night of my 26th Birthday with Howard and he noticed this....

Its such a small piece of art, about the size of my hand, and its about 15 ft up a wall on an ally near my flat in Bethnal Green, i would never have noticed it. He did, and its quite beautiful and appropriate.

I leave London in less than 48 hours. Death of another life. Another Beginning. At 26, i think I am growing tired of these extreme changes every year. 

i need a 'wake up and smell the coffee' spell.

But i still end up looking at neon skulls on street corners and finding beauty in the strangest places.

It was really quite an adventure,

I wish i could stay.

But people are people,

what more can i  say.

a letter to my 8 year old self

Hi Chris,

This is a letter from the future you.  Your healthy and living a wonderfully fun life in London now…. And thought you don’t realise it you’re very happy.

Since I have this opportunity to communicate with you through time, I thought id give you some helpful tips:

First, do me a favour and stop making your life so hard for yourself. You are always fighting against something, why are you so angry? You don’t need to make your life a journey of anger and ferocity. It’s ok sometimes to stop. You will not agree with me about this right now but you never agree with anything easily do you. You always have to find out for yourself. This is my favourite and my least favourite thing about you.

You have some tenacity lil fella… it’s shocking sometimes.

I know you’re lonely sometimes and that you think your Mum is very sad, and she is, it’s not her fault. She sleeps all day and tries to do the best for you even though she’s not happy. You do love her overwhelmingly so, but you’ll make peace with the fact you’ll never be able to open her eyes to how wonderful life is.

I know your parent’s separation confused you abit, and it will lead you to being spoilt by your father and pampered by your mother. But don’t take advantage of them, they are just people like you are. I know you’re always stressed about your step mum and step dad. I don’t blame you, they will take out their woes on you, but your tougher than you realise. And though you might feel small you always give as good as you get.

Spend more time listening to Bertha, she will die in a lonely hospital bed when your 13 and even though your dad made you sit in homes and hospital rooms with her every weekend you’ll miss her stories and her strength. Her love for you will stay your whole life… and she will protect your soul.

Don’t wish your life away, you listen to The Carpenters too much and dream of a romance that will never happen. 

Don’t use people as much; you will lose some amazing friends because of this quality.

You will meet an amazing girl called Carol when your 12 in school, she will be your first girlfriend and your last you're gay…  like that’s a shock to you. Its fine, your family will love you.

Don’t let Mum hold you back, she isn’t as fearless as you, she thinks everything is more difficult than it really is… and one thing.. your independent. You mightn’t figure that out until you get away from your parents for abit though.

By the way, you’re a lot hotter than you think you are.

Don’t worry about being famous or rich, that might never happen. Just enjoy working with people you love and trust.

Don’t work with people who stifle you or bully you… you don’t have to put up with it, just do what you want… even if it seems absurd… they will just end up admiring you for it afterwards anyway. Sooner you learn this the better.

Don’t listen to people who have a problem with you, they cant see your heart and they are just seeing all the things they aren’t in you. Let go. You are a force of nature. You don’t need to try.

Don’t fight with your mum so much; she’s on your side. Dont take your Father for granted.. He will be the most supportive and loving father you ever ask for. And its amazing how much more sense he makes the older and smarter you get. Love him. you only have one of him.

Paint more.

Forget about excersiing, it gives you a headache and you’ll only half assed attempt it anyway. Instead watch carbs and east less shit from 21 onwards.  Don’t bother trying to drink less.. That’s pointless and you’ll never win.

Don’t worry so much. Most of your dreams will come true. You are going to meet some amazing people and you will be loved for being yourself.

Aside from some of the advice about not worrying so much and being so scared… im sure you’ll figure the rest out yourself. You are resourceful beyond comprehension and you’ll enjoy your life very much. You are a very very lucky person. You are loved and nurtured; you don’t have any reason to be angry anymore. Breathe

Oh and when you talk to a guy called Daniel Holfeld, you will spend some amazing times together as friends, but in the end he will prove to be unworthy. You will move on, happier.

Ps. Do yourself a favour and if you meet a boy called ****************, just walk away… trust me.

Pps. I have attached a picture of you (you’re the one in the middle) as you can see you have a lot of fun to look forward to, and always practice safe sex.

One last thing don’t care what people think so much, I say Fuck ‘em… who cares.

 

F-I-E-R-C-E

Has a new face....

So its the amazing Gayshame Party this Saturday night. http://www.duckie.co.uk/index.asp

And we are all dabbling in Femme. Its interesting how many indie gays where relutant about wearing drag and are now running about town trying to find amazing outfits. Myself included.

Im personally not into drag, but i think there is nothing wrong with a black satin jump suit and pink veiled top hat between friends. Its just too much fun.

Im personally going titless and make upless, im going to enjoy the gender bending.

Funny moment of the day though, i was talking to 80's icon Marilyn earlier and got this email.

'wass the coup...are you a drag queen??i thought you was a bloke guy!!??i cant bear queens...though you seem alright!!'

this made me chuckle... who knew... Marilyn.. the ultimate Queen.. hates Queens. oh the irony.. and for the record im not a queen.. 

im just very special.

This is dedicated to Marilyn and whatever meds he's on

I read about Quentiin Crisp... the next day i met him.

East London - Saturday 17th May 2009

Quentin Crisp.... and then I met this man. I have to film him next week for Rankin and i thought today that id call to his home and chat and spend sometime with him before the day of filming itself, just to make easier for both of us. I took some shots of his home that i needed to get an idea for shots during filming and i also just took a few of him as we spoke... it wasn't really something i expected to get an image from but this one just stuck out abit. He is such a refined particular, peculiar man. That individuality and the evident elegance i found charming seems present here.

It was nice to venture on my own to shoot in a location i had no idea how to find.  Its late, I got a new job, and I'm also spending time working with Rankin Photography... so I'm lacking in eloquence but bursting with something. I hope to make up for this with images over the next months. Words are useless at the minute.

time for 40winks.

Tori Amos London this evening...

@Savoy Theatre

Some people are just powerful in a soft way.

July

me and mum

"When God was handing out souls, all i got was a wig and some toothpaste..."

Like beautiful robots

So its late... i saw mannequins and took a picture. They summed up something Im seeing over and over.

Im sleepy.

no money, 

not much food... Time to make those decisions i need to make and then something nice happens. Someone said ' ive never seen you so fragile ' after i night i had where i was excited and enjoying myself. 

define  "fragility"

 What is the definition of fragility:  the quality or state of being easily broken or destroyed

 I am not easily broken and i am certainly not about to be destroyed. 

It has a grave and urbane air about it now. All of life is putting on some kind of act or another & now I'm beginning to find it near impossible to anything other than myself. Rush to define it if you like. But i wouldn't . It all seems to trigger some kind of sadness that pervades the streets and faces i see in everyday life... like I'm sort of just witnessing it all as a voyeur never truly apart of it. 

Like the couple on the bus home.. drunk and curled up... one crying and one with a deadness in his eyes. They seemed to comfort each other but it looked empty to me, he was bored.. she was crying.. it was like watching a bad soap opera. Dull soulless dancing. I recognised i have played both those roles.

 I don't intend for  this to sound so depressing.. I'm actually truly quite invigorated but this aspect of life, and it  should be acknowledged.But There is strength in sadness and there is music in privacy. Sleep calls. 

BEYOND BELEIF 4 - Written by Chris Sutton ©

Inspired by the works of EVA-MARIA RASCHPICHLER / HAROON MIRZA. Exhibited @ Backlit Gallery.

20:13 20-04-09 –---------------------------------------------------

‘Have a nice night, you liar, you fucking hypocrite!’

it  hissed as it left the bar. I didn’t really care for people like him.

just enough time to think this before a man in a tight t-shirt just sat down and tried to show me with his eyes that he loved me for being so honest so fast and so late. i was going to explain to him that it wasn’t a performance, but a year ago it would have been, so i just let it go.

Confident/Loud/Forceful: the performance that was old. I recognized this in him.

The cracks seemed obvious, and the bulimic talking just Greys my heart/Blued my hands and/Red my face.

Breathe. Bite nails. Breathe. Pumping chest.

20:32 20-04-09 –------------------------------------------------------

It shouldn’t have but it did. The Loud false confidence and one-upmanship was suppressing my natural state. Overbearing loudness hid any subtlety of kindness I wanted to find in his eyes. Isnt’ that the way?

Today it was a Monday.

I saw myself as more of a sincere well placed water colour, transparent and not as rapey. I started to remember that he left, so I began to tap tap tap tappy out a text. Click. Im already beginning to try and appease his black and heavy weight. But the words felt damp and impotent. I kept tapping away, trying not to get wet.

00:46 20-04-09 –------------------------------------------------------

I stopped playing. Why does his angry heart define mine. Why couldn’t the harsh and the thoughtful exist in the same vein without the chance of heart disease.

So I sit in the white room silently thinking of the people around us. Who will want the obvious and who will want to look at him first before me. After 20 minutes they would always end up with free wine and wanting me more. So here is my warning, which is also my bragging promise

“the truth is: though you see the difference and the friction. We are silently making peace”

02:15 21-04-09 –-----------------------------------------------------

 the night bus home is alwaysthe wrost part. I set down may phone and I smell of sweatandbeer. The light is bleak and I want to be somewhere else and I realize. He might think he’s won. I smile. Breathe. But from where I stand I can muse in comfort on the lovely dead of yesterday, today and tomorrow. 

Illustration Courtesy of Howard Hardiman @cutebutsad.co.uk 

We've Only Just Begun...

Thursday May 7, 2009..

So.. I've been meaning to start a blog for over a year, so this is that first tipping my toe in the cold water of what the fuck will i saw on my blog. I have a personal pet hate for artists who get scared of an empty canvas.

So this is my : ' Fuck you, im starting even if i have nothing to say tonight ' 

...welcome to me...